“You say you love the rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say you love the wind, but you close your windows when it blows. That’s why I’m afraid to say I love you”.
This was a message that cut my attention as I glanced through my mails that morning. Frank who has been having a crush on me right from high school sent me this mail after making several fruitless advances towards getting my attention. All the while I’ve pretended not to like him because I used to be a decent girl while growing up. I wouldn’t want to fail neither my parents who have confidence in me, nor my pastor who always looked at me as a model sweet sixteen among the teens.
It was on a valentine day just after Frank and I got admission into same university. It was not a coincidence in Frank’s part rather it was another great opportunity for him to win my uncompromising heart. After reading the mail, I was down thinking, though never had intention of hooking up with any guy till my third year, because I wanted to face my studies squarely and hooking up could be a lot of distractions.
Still pondering on the mail, my phone rang. It was frank. He asked if I could come on a date with him that night at a guest house close to my school. At first I didn’t like the idea, but I gave it a second thought considering the fact that Frank has been someone I had admired secretly. I gave a positive response to it.
After that night we got talking and later he demanded for just a kiss – my first kiss – after much thought I gave him. He then asked for something that I have treasured all this while – My Virginity. But I resisted. This persisted until after three attempts. But after his third attempt, I was scared of losing him totally. Lacking idea of what next to do, wanting to keep him but avoiding to yield to his request, I was then found at a cross road of either to lose him or to comprise my stands. Obviously he wasn’t getting a very clear “NO” from me. Then he knew I could submit after further persuasions. Having read really wide on how to escape the consequences of sex and STDs, my logistics were decent and my level of desire was raised high. I resolved to give him a chance, with full confidence that I can avoid the dangers of pre-marital sex. I removed the umbrella while in the rain to show my love to the rain, I stayed under the scorching heat of the sun to make the sunshine happy. I opened my windows not minding the wind. But alas, my dead weight could not bear the force of the wind. The wind neglected my outward beauty, prestige, friend… It attacked my spirit, soul and body.
Little did I know that the contraceptive that Frank used failed. I got pregnant and we decided to abort it. We went to a far place in order to protect my integrity. On our way to the hospital we fell into the hand of the arm robbers. All attempts made to heed to toes was met with two bullets from their Ak47 separating my epithelial tissue down to the sebaceous gland before reaching out for my femur. The next thing, I saw myself in the hospital with a device hung for administering fluid into my veins. Mum was right beside me with a facial expression of a depressed and disappointed poor woman.
Ouch! My life was blown away from God’s presence, and my soul was given to the devil. My spirit was no longer sensitive to His voice. I was driven out of His tent, my soul was disturbed. I tried to put myself together, got back on my feet and move on with my life, but the ground was slippery. Despite the sunshine, my days are dark and cold. Walking during daylight does not stop me from stumbling. I could not attain the best of my academics because understanding becomes rare to me. Oh just because of *My First Kiss!*
First kiss is the beginning of some people’s joy if it is done at the right and God’s own time but mine opens door for trauma. My pain is like a rain falling in stream of tears. Had I known I wouldn’t have submitted to him, my dreams, ambition, talent, vision, purpose was aborted in the twinkle of an eye. May be, if I come to this world again I may achieve my aim.
Young lady! Did I just hear you saying your own story can never be as worst as this? It may interest you to know that each steps you take towards compromising your moral stands is a gradual process to a similar life as the girl in this story; an emotional ‘shatteredness’ and destiny wretchedness. Don’t you think it will be wise to watch your steps? You’re your eyes. Remember life is a seed. Whatever foundation you lay now must reflect in whatever building we see tomorrow. So be wise!
By Odesola Taiwo
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